Spike Milligan 1918 - 2002
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On Prince Philip: "He was f***ing lucky to marry the Queen. He had nothing when he met her. His arse was hanging out of his trousers."

Sardines:

A baby sardine
Saw her first submarine:
She was scared and watched through a peephole.

'Oh, come, come, come,'
Said the sardine's mum,
'It's only a tin full of people'


Rain:

There are holes in the sky
Where the rain gets in,
But they're ever so small
That's why rain is thin

  "I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke."
Today I saw a little worm:

Today I saw a little worm
Wriggling on his belly.
Perhaps he'd like to come inside
And see what's on the Telly.


My sister Laura:

My sister Laura's bigger than me
And lifts me up quite easily
I can't lift her, I've tried and tried;
She must have something heavy inside

Spike Milligan appeared in the BBC drama Gormenghast
  "How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
You must never bath in an Irish Stew:

You must never bath in an Irish Stew
Its the most illogical thing to do
But should you persist against my reasoning
Don't forget to add the appropriate seasoning


Bump!:

Things that go 'bump!' in the night,
Should not really give one a fright.
It's the hole in each ear
That lets in the fear,
That, and the absence of light!

The Goons redefined British comedy
  "All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
On the Ning Nang Nong:

On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
And the Monkeys all say Boo!
There's a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang!
And you just can't catch 'em when they do!
So it's Ning Nang Nong!
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning!
Trees go Ping!
Nong Ning Nang!
The mice go Clang!
What a noisey place to belong,
Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!


Down the stream the swans all glide:

Down the stream the swans all glide;
It's quite the cheapest way to ride.
Their legs get wet,
Their tummies wetter;
I think after all
The bus is better

Prince Charles was an avid fan of Milligan's work on The Goon Show


From A Children's Treasury Of Milligan, Virgin Books, £9.99. www.virgin.com/books